When You Have Conflict
"Mom, he did it again!"
"That boy down the street, he hit me again!" My son comes running in from the street, feet pounding and heart wrenching again.
Conflict.
It's been my constant companion.
I'm not sure how we got here, to this place of conflict on every side, but I do know that I hate it.
Loathe it.
Pray for release from it.
And yet for these many months conflict continues. Conflict with neighborhood kids, with friends, with family, with myself over just how to handle all this mess.
And I wonder, is this also grace? Where is God in this?
And how could this be His will, how could it?
These are the days that I long for the quiet country lane, for the desert island, even for the cave in mountainside. Anywhere, to be free from this constant scraping away at my heart.
But I remember another beloved of God who knew years of conflict, who spent days and nights in caves, hiding from those who would harm him. David, this shepherd boy turned king, who knew this struggle of conflict and hiding.
And I wonder at this.
What am I to learn from this, to do with this, what?
But if I believe that everything given to me comes from God, everything, then this too is grace and my eyes they see glinting glimpses of light from this back of this black cave and I want to see...
And what I see is that this conflict exposes one thing, fear.
Fear of not being accepted.
Fear of not being liked.
And these fears, they show us the idols that keep us chained to the ground, unable to fly, to soar on wings like the eagle.
And this fear is old. I've carried it since childhood. Always wanting to please people, to do anything to be liked, to always play the peacemaker to obtain the approval of others.
The idolatry of approval of man.
But isn't that what God wants, for us to be peacemakers?
Yes, but there are times when lasting peace can only come by way of battle. And I see how it's held me these many years, this idol of approval. And I see how sometimes, what is required isn't peace, but a sword. Jesus said this. And He lived it.
He knows what it means to stand in the midst of conflict. To not give in to please man, but to live for the pleasure of God alone.
Sometimes conflict is meant to show us, it's time to stand, not run. Sometimes it's meant to show that true and lasting peace can sometimes only be achieved through the mess of the battle, not the smooth talk of concessions. And if we really want to be healed, we have to face our greatest fears, not run from them.
We have to lay down our idols, and simply
Trust God.
Even in the midst of the battle.
And for me these conflicts cause me to face this fear of not being approved of, of being misunderstood, of just not being liked.
And can I trust God enough to only need His approval and His love regardless of what people think?
This is grace.
Grace that leads us deeper into trust. Deeper into God and laying aside of all the things that we can so easily trust in and that we often don't know we are trusting in until they are stripped away.
It's so much easier to put a band aid over the splinter, but what we need is the bloody needle to dig it out. Because if it stays, infection spreads. And will we sacrifice temporary pain for permanent healing?
Do we really want to be healed?
Our God and Father, this Perfect Healer, longs to make us whole, and holy and He knows that healing sometimes requires surgery.
Will I trust Him enough to believe that all this too is His grace?
That He really does work all things together for my good and His glory?
This is Perfect Love.
Love that doesn't leave us as we are but that constantly changes us from glory to glory.
And all these conflicts are a tool of His grace to make me and others more like Him.
Love.
This doesn't feel like love, but then discipline usually doesn't. But my good Father knows what will make this weak and trembling one into a warrior.
Will I trust and even thank Him for this?
I must. Because victory comes from only one place, His Life.
And the more trust, the more I give thanks for the broken moments, they become grace moments.
Light is breaking from the back of this cave.
I think I just might come out and dance in the dawning.
"That boy down the street, he hit me again!" My son comes running in from the street, feet pounding and heart wrenching again.
Conflict.
It's been my constant companion.
I'm not sure how we got here, to this place of conflict on every side, but I do know that I hate it.
Loathe it.
Pray for release from it.
And yet for these many months conflict continues. Conflict with neighborhood kids, with friends, with family, with myself over just how to handle all this mess.
And I wonder, is this also grace? Where is God in this?
And how could this be His will, how could it?
These are the days that I long for the quiet country lane, for the desert island, even for the cave in mountainside. Anywhere, to be free from this constant scraping away at my heart.
But I remember another beloved of God who knew years of conflict, who spent days and nights in caves, hiding from those who would harm him. David, this shepherd boy turned king, who knew this struggle of conflict and hiding.
And I wonder at this.
What am I to learn from this, to do with this, what?
But if I believe that everything given to me comes from God, everything, then this too is grace and my eyes they see glinting glimpses of light from this back of this black cave and I want to see...
And what I see is that this conflict exposes one thing, fear.
Fear of not being accepted.
Fear of not being liked.
And these fears, they show us the idols that keep us chained to the ground, unable to fly, to soar on wings like the eagle.
And this fear is old. I've carried it since childhood. Always wanting to please people, to do anything to be liked, to always play the peacemaker to obtain the approval of others.
The idolatry of approval of man.
But isn't that what God wants, for us to be peacemakers?
Yes, but there are times when lasting peace can only come by way of battle. And I see how it's held me these many years, this idol of approval. And I see how sometimes, what is required isn't peace, but a sword. Jesus said this. And He lived it.
He knows what it means to stand in the midst of conflict. To not give in to please man, but to live for the pleasure of God alone.
Sometimes conflict is meant to show us, it's time to stand, not run. Sometimes it's meant to show that true and lasting peace can sometimes only be achieved through the mess of the battle, not the smooth talk of concessions. And if we really want to be healed, we have to face our greatest fears, not run from them.
We have to lay down our idols, and simply
Trust God.
Even in the midst of the battle.
And for me these conflicts cause me to face this fear of not being approved of, of being misunderstood, of just not being liked.
And can I trust God enough to only need His approval and His love regardless of what people think?
This is grace.
Grace that leads us deeper into trust. Deeper into God and laying aside of all the things that we can so easily trust in and that we often don't know we are trusting in until they are stripped away.
It's so much easier to put a band aid over the splinter, but what we need is the bloody needle to dig it out. Because if it stays, infection spreads. And will we sacrifice temporary pain for permanent healing?
Do we really want to be healed?
Our God and Father, this Perfect Healer, longs to make us whole, and holy and He knows that healing sometimes requires surgery.
Will I trust Him enough to believe that all this too is His grace?
That He really does work all things together for my good and His glory?
This is Perfect Love.
Love that doesn't leave us as we are but that constantly changes us from glory to glory.
And all these conflicts are a tool of His grace to make me and others more like Him.
Love.
This doesn't feel like love, but then discipline usually doesn't. But my good Father knows what will make this weak and trembling one into a warrior.
Will I trust and even thank Him for this?
I must. Because victory comes from only one place, His Life.
And the more trust, the more I give thanks for the broken moments, they become grace moments.
Light is breaking from the back of this cave.
I think I just might come out and dance in the dawning.
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