Moments in Grace

Standing at the sink, soap suds filling my hands I hear a voice behind me.   “Mom, I feel like I don’t have a purpose.   I mean, I can’t do anything well.   I’m not really good at anything, I don’t have any talents or whatever.   Why am I even here?” I know this question all too well, precious child.   In a world that manufactures idols out of ordinary people every day, where people make idols out of themselves, where movies, t.v. and social media continually tempt us to self-aggrandize and self-publicize, and where all it takes is one glance at another person’s facebook page to make you feel that all of life is a competition to be won and you are clearly the biggest loser that there ever was, yes, my child it can be hard to feel like you matter. But I need to tell you something. You matter to God. You are important to God. Because God, the eternal Creator of all things, does not make trash.   He does no...

On the morning that the snow was coming down all sleet and icy in gray October sky, she came.   She knocked on my front door, and we asked her in.   We asked her to sit down and would she join us for a moment? Join these six kids of mine and a friend and I, all sitting around the kitchen table having hot chocolate, and tea and coffee.   We were reading John chapter 3 while some kids were hanging upside down from couches. Some were wildly running.   And some were finding wool hats to put on so that the moment I said that we were finished they could run out into the snow/sleet whirl and enjoy a taste of the first glimpse of winter.   When she arrived we were almost done.   Almost done for the day with our Bible study time, and here she was, like she had been invited to the party. Like she had heard some unseen voice whispering to come in.   So, she knocked and she came. I don’t really know her.   I don’t really know her sto...

Our neighbors are moving.   And yesterday we said goodbye to the first friends we had made when we moved here.   They are not moving far but it will be harder to have play dates and for the kids to see each other.   We are sad to see them go.   We said goodbye with some tears.   Later in the day, the doorbell rings.   It is the neighbor girl bringing us a card.   Joy.   Just joy.   I think of all the neighborhood kids we have brought to church.   I think of all the kids we have prayed for and had over for Backyard Bible Clubs and the endless hours of our yard filled to overflowing with kids by the dozen.   And I am undone by grace. Because this was not my plan. Oh, I have spent years trying to protect my kids from the “world”, to keep them “safe”, to make sure they were doing the “right” things.   I endlessly questioned if they should even play with kids in the neighborhood and what about the b...

The sky filtering from brilliant blue to softest pink as we make the two hour drive home from Grandma’s house, just me and the kids.   My thirteen year old is sitting up front and we are telling God stories, and he asks me to tell my best God story again, the one about how I got adopted into the family of the Great King.   It is a great story. And I can’t resist telling it.   I love to tell it.   It was the best day of my whole life.   The day Jesus rescued me, it was dramatic, and I tell again how my two friends Deb and Rach had been reaching out to me in all my darkness, loving me when I was so unlovable.   How they loved me when no one else did and I knew there are was something different in their lives, some kind of love that I desperately needed.   Love that I didn’t get from partying, relationships, or New Age spirituality.   Love that only Jesus could give. I tell how that Friday morning, on the way to class at co...

I think they were prophetic.   Those words I wrote the day I flew off to Costa Rica for a short term mission trip. That all we have is our little bit of nothing and just this… God's love. Because if I had to describe this trip in just one word, that would be it. Love. Because really that is all we have.   We can’t save the world but we can love it. And we can’t rescue them all but in love we can make a difference for one. And when the love of God compels us then the love of God directs us and the love of God is what changes us all. I went on this trip in faith that God had called me to go.   I went expecting to be poured out.   And I was.   But the truth is that when you give God’s love, you get so much more than you gave.  Because you can't out give God. He loved and so He gave His life for us.  And when we love like Him we give like Him but we are given so much more than we had before.  ...

The day was long and difficult.  It started early and jumped straight into chaos and the six kids and I were out the door and running.  Homeschool co-op classes, picking up a friend to come over, then on to the doctor's appointment. I was getting her hearing checked.  She had been having more trouble with her schoolwork and always misunderstanding what we were saying to her.  I suspected an auditory processing problem but ruling out the hearing issue was the first step.  Since my other daughter has had so many learning issues it would seem that this was minor. "Mariah, do you have trouble hearing what people say to you if they are standing behind you?" the doctor questioned. She shakes her head yes. "Do you need to look at people's faces in order to know what they are saying often?" "Yes." "Well, she failed her hearing test in both ears." The doctor says to me.  "She also failed her eye exam. We are going ...