If You Want More Life, First Embrace Death

The way of the cross is not an easy way.

It is the way of dying that leads to life and greatest fruitfulness.

 

When I came to know Christ I understood the cost but had no idea what it would mean for me.

How God takes those who seek to follow Him and a time comes when he asks them to lay down everything that they hold most dear to their hearts so that they would  find that He alone is the true treasure worth seeking.

I just didn’t know.

I didn’t know how hard this path would be. 

But I was willing to count the cost, whatever it may be, even if it cost me my life.

But, can I be honest and say, there have been times I’ve struggled with resenting the hardness of this?

There are times that I have struggled to keep my heart in the place of full surrender.  Maybe outwardly I was obeying but inwardly sometimes I have been angry, depressed, confused.  And the prosperity gospel of the Western world that says if you follow Jesus he will give you everything you ever wanted, He will give you health, wealth, and all your dreams will come true, this has not helped me understand the true working of the cross in my life. 

Yes, our salvation is a free gift of God’s grace.  It does not depend on what we do for Him and we cannot earn His love, He already proved His love for us on the cross.  But the call to follow Jesus and bear fruit, bring forth life in His kingdom still stands.  He does not force us to surrender anything to Him but if we are His followers, if we have already received the free gift of His abundant grace and eternal life, we want to give Him everything.  But that doesn’t mean it isn’t painful sometimes.  It doesn’t mean we don’t wrestle with God in our flesh to lay it down.

A thousand small dyings along the way and others, more difficult have lead me to this place.  The path of following Christ is indeed paved with many dyings. 

I think that somewhere, deep down, I thought that if I surrendered these precious treasures, that like Abraham on the Mount of Moriah, I would get them back, just as they were.  A decade went by.  Then almost two.   Intermittently I have struggled and surrendered a fresh to God but I think somewhere in the recesses I was holding out hope of a resurrection of dead dreams.  But what I am realizing is that you can’t really have fullest joy in Christ and Christ alone without a full surrender. 

A surrender that says, “Even if you don’t Lord, I will yet praise you.  Even if you never do that thing I’m waiting on, I will trust you, I will love you, I will live for you.  Even if it costs me that which is precious to me, you are infinitely more worthy of my devotion, of my worship, of my life.  Even if you slay me Lord, I will praise you.”

The things God calls us to lay down on that alter may be good things.  They may be a career, a marriage, a child, a ministry, even the things of God.  Because He wants to know that our hearts are His, not for what we do for Him, not for what He does for us, not just for the gifts but because of who He is.  And yes, there are times that He may choose not to give back exactly what we have laid there on that alter.  But if that is so, we can trust that it is because it is what is best for us.  We can trust that He is good and he wants what is best for us, like the perfect Father that he is, he won’t give us what would ultimately harm us.  He won’t let us hold the things that would steal our hearts away from Him, He is jealous for our love.

And if by the tool of suffering, of pain, of layers of dying, we come to that place of fullest surrender, then it is worth it.  When Jesus said, take up your cross and follow me, He meant it.  He knew that the cross is still the place of suffering and death for us as it was for Him.  It will bring us to the place where our self must die, that He might live most fully through us.  Do we really want to follow Jesus?

Then we must take up our cross daily, die daily, surrender daily to His working, and then and only then will we find the path to abundant life in Christ and fruitfulness in the kingdom.  Doesn’t all fruitfulness come only through death?

“Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.   But if it dies, it produces many seeds.  The man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.  Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am my servant also will be.  My Father will honor the one who serves me.” John 12:24

And no, we may not receive back in resurrection that very thing that went into the ground, but we can rest assured that  what we laid down to be buried in that dark ground, will come up as  new life, a new fruitfulness.  It may not be what it was but it will be beautiful.

“We would like to have death and resurrection put together within an hour of each other.  We cannot face the thought that God would put us aside for so long a time; we cannot bear to wait.  And of course I cannot tell you how long he will take, but in principle I think it is quite safe to say this, that there will be a definite period when he will keep you there.  It will see as though nothing is happening; as though everything you valued is slipping from your grasp.  There confronts you a blank wall with no door in it.  Seemingly everyone else is being blessed and used while you, yourself are being passed by and are losing out.  Lie quiet.  All is darkness, but it is only for a night.  It must indeed be a full night, but that is all.  Afterwards, you will find that everything is given back to you in glorious resurrection; and nothing can measure the difference between what was before and what now is!”  Watchman Nee, The Normal Christian Life.

No, the seed going into the ground does not much resemble the plant that comes springing forth in glorious life from that dark ground, but only the plant can bear fruit.  A seed cannot.  A seed must go into the dark earth and die so that it can come forth as a new thing, a life-giving creation.  And so must we.

The things that we lay on the altar in death may not come back as they were, they may not resemble what they were at all, but they will be good and life-giving.   Let us accept the way of the dying, the way of the cross of suffering, so that His life can come from us and that we may find the Life that is truly Life.