The Grace to Trust God
We were driving home, the snow blowing in white wisps across the icy blackness. The heater of the car pouring forth hot air to warm our frozen fingers.
And she said it, these words, "How do you trust God?"
This black winter night, we talked of God and grace and belief and how do you do this thing of trust?
Our night had been spent at a support group for the grieving. Me, the support for my neighbor who lost her teenage son those years ago, the night she almost lost her life as well.
How do you trust God?
How do you trust, when you've lost everything, when your heart is ripped open, bloody and hemorrhaging, and how do you go on living?
How do you?
How do you learn to trust, to let go, when your whole life has been one unending day of clawing and clinging to control outcomes, to protect yourself, to keep danger at bay, to create your own world of complete safety. And that....is incredibly hard work.
But working hard, that's all she's ever known.
She works to control, to protect, to make sure, if she does enough and does it just right then she's guaranteed to have peace, she's guaranteed to have safety, right?
Growing up in a works based religion, this is all she's ever known.
Work hard, do enough, earn God's favor.
Do all the right things, and God will smile on you. Do the wrong things and watch out or he'll get you.
And these tragedies, she thinks, are God's punishments. Him punishing her for her sins. So that must mean she needs to just try harder.
Work more, protect more, and rely on just her, but peace always eludes her, like a mirage on the horizon.
And she says, "I just don't know why I'm being punished, aren't I a good person? Don't I work hard enough, don't I do enough good things?"
"None of us is good. God is perfect, holy, without any shadow, and we all fall short of His standard. Have you ever told a lie? Even once? Then you have broken God's law. Looked at someone lustfully? God calls that adultery. Not to mention sexual relationships outside of marriage. We stand guilty before a Holy and perfect God. And we deserve hell. We are not good. I am not good. But God loved us, He loves us, so much that He made a way for us to be brought back to Him. He doesn't want us to go the hell. God showed us His law, His standard, so that we would see how much we need a Savior. So that we would see how short we fall.
We will never be able to keep God's laws on our own. It is impossible. And the more we try, the more we fail. The more we work, the more we are trusting in ourselves to save us and that is sin. If you are trusting in yourself, in the good things that you do, you'll never get there. Salvation is by trusting in Jesus' work on the cross, that he died and rose again, to pay for your sins, when you could never do it on your own. It is by faith, by trusting in His grace, His undeserved favor. You can't earn it or deserve it. It is just grace."
"But how do you do that? How do you let go and just trust? That feels like jumping off a cliff blindfolded. What if He doesn't catch me?"
"He will. He promises to catch you. He loves you more than you could ever understand. His love will never fail you. But if you are trusting in your goodness, your ability to do all the right things, you'll never know the peace and salvation He offers. His love offers you life, and life eternal, but you have to receive it by faith. You have to just trust. Trust that He paid for your sins, he already took your punishment on the cross so that you could be free from punishment. He doesn't want to punish you, He's not punishing you, He took the punishment you and I deserve so that we could go free. He doesn't want us to work for it, we can't work for it. It is just by faith. Our work is to just believe. To trust Jesus to be our Savior, to be enough, because we could never be."
"I don't know if I can do that."
"You can start with just praying, I want to believe, help me in my unbelief. He will answer that prayer. He will help you. We can't even trust Him without His help. Even that is all grace."
Weeks pass. Weeks of support groups and tea at my house and talks.
And one day she says, "I prayed last night. I prayed that God would just take it. I said to Him, here, take all this, I'm letting go. And for the first time, I felt peace. I slept through the night. I think I started, in a small way, to trust Him."
This letting go, this surrender of self, this believing that when you let go He will be there to catch you, this is faith.
It is grace that allows us to believe, it is grace that we believe in.
To believe that He loves us even though there is nothing in us to love. Even though we don't deserve it, and never will. He loves us.
He calls us His own. He makes us His children, when we least deserve it.
And He redeems us, buys us out of slavery to sin and death and gives us His spotless record of perfection and life now and life eternal.
We trust in His love and His grace. We love Him because He first loved us. And we live out of gratefulness for His goodness. Not because we need to earn His approval but because we already have it.
By faith in Christ, we already have it.
And on this side of heaven, I don't think we will ever understand the why of tragedy, but we can trust in one thing,
that His love for us will never end.
He proved this on the cross. And He pursues us still, to draw us ever deeper into His love that surpasses all understanding.
To make His grace known to us and His love that endures forever.
And she said it, these words, "How do you trust God?"
This black winter night, we talked of God and grace and belief and how do you do this thing of trust?
Our night had been spent at a support group for the grieving. Me, the support for my neighbor who lost her teenage son those years ago, the night she almost lost her life as well.
How do you trust God?
How do you trust, when you've lost everything, when your heart is ripped open, bloody and hemorrhaging, and how do you go on living?
How do you?
How do you learn to trust, to let go, when your whole life has been one unending day of clawing and clinging to control outcomes, to protect yourself, to keep danger at bay, to create your own world of complete safety. And that....is incredibly hard work.
But working hard, that's all she's ever known.
She works to control, to protect, to make sure, if she does enough and does it just right then she's guaranteed to have peace, she's guaranteed to have safety, right?
Growing up in a works based religion, this is all she's ever known.
Work hard, do enough, earn God's favor.
Do all the right things, and God will smile on you. Do the wrong things and watch out or he'll get you.
And these tragedies, she thinks, are God's punishments. Him punishing her for her sins. So that must mean she needs to just try harder.
Work more, protect more, and rely on just her, but peace always eludes her, like a mirage on the horizon.
And she says, "I just don't know why I'm being punished, aren't I a good person? Don't I work hard enough, don't I do enough good things?"
"None of us is good. God is perfect, holy, without any shadow, and we all fall short of His standard. Have you ever told a lie? Even once? Then you have broken God's law. Looked at someone lustfully? God calls that adultery. Not to mention sexual relationships outside of marriage. We stand guilty before a Holy and perfect God. And we deserve hell. We are not good. I am not good. But God loved us, He loves us, so much that He made a way for us to be brought back to Him. He doesn't want us to go the hell. God showed us His law, His standard, so that we would see how much we need a Savior. So that we would see how short we fall.
We will never be able to keep God's laws on our own. It is impossible. And the more we try, the more we fail. The more we work, the more we are trusting in ourselves to save us and that is sin. If you are trusting in yourself, in the good things that you do, you'll never get there. Salvation is by trusting in Jesus' work on the cross, that he died and rose again, to pay for your sins, when you could never do it on your own. It is by faith, by trusting in His grace, His undeserved favor. You can't earn it or deserve it. It is just grace."
"But how do you do that? How do you let go and just trust? That feels like jumping off a cliff blindfolded. What if He doesn't catch me?"
"He will. He promises to catch you. He loves you more than you could ever understand. His love will never fail you. But if you are trusting in your goodness, your ability to do all the right things, you'll never know the peace and salvation He offers. His love offers you life, and life eternal, but you have to receive it by faith. You have to just trust. Trust that He paid for your sins, he already took your punishment on the cross so that you could be free from punishment. He doesn't want to punish you, He's not punishing you, He took the punishment you and I deserve so that we could go free. He doesn't want us to work for it, we can't work for it. It is just by faith. Our work is to just believe. To trust Jesus to be our Savior, to be enough, because we could never be."
"I don't know if I can do that."
"You can start with just praying, I want to believe, help me in my unbelief. He will answer that prayer. He will help you. We can't even trust Him without His help. Even that is all grace."
Weeks pass. Weeks of support groups and tea at my house and talks.
And one day she says, "I prayed last night. I prayed that God would just take it. I said to Him, here, take all this, I'm letting go. And for the first time, I felt peace. I slept through the night. I think I started, in a small way, to trust Him."
This letting go, this surrender of self, this believing that when you let go He will be there to catch you, this is faith.
It is grace that allows us to believe, it is grace that we believe in.
To believe that He loves us even though there is nothing in us to love. Even though we don't deserve it, and never will. He loves us.
He calls us His own. He makes us His children, when we least deserve it.
And He redeems us, buys us out of slavery to sin and death and gives us His spotless record of perfection and life now and life eternal.
We trust in His love and His grace. We love Him because He first loved us. And we live out of gratefulness for His goodness. Not because we need to earn His approval but because we already have it.
By faith in Christ, we already have it.
And on this side of heaven, I don't think we will ever understand the why of tragedy, but we can trust in one thing,
that His love for us will never end.
He proved this on the cross. And He pursues us still, to draw us ever deeper into His love that surpasses all understanding.
To make His grace known to us and His love that endures forever.
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